I'm not sure why I'm writing an introduction, it's not like this is ever going to be read, and anyone that does find it will porobably already know me anyway. I hope to God this isn't found by anyone I know, though, it'll probably only cause exception or something like that. The thing is, it's not really meant to be read by anyone else. This is somewhere for me to store what my mind churns out, a sort of catharsis if you will.
What we have here (in the shape of me) is a person working part-time, in an area where he no longer has any friends, who has nothing in common with his colleagues, and whose closest friends are 3 hours away. Someone who most of the time only interacts with customers and co-workers and his parents, with whom he lives. Someone watching two of the nicest people he's ever met getting ready to move ever further away, leaving uncertainty about the future and an questioning attitude towards friendship and its fragility. Someone looking back over his social history and questioning his attitude to people he used to know. Someone who keeps his emotions bottled up, and not reaching out to anyone when he mosts needs to. Or is able to. Someone, in short, who needed an outlet for his thoughts. This is it.
This won't be a light read. I leave whimsy for my Twitter account in an attempt to remain upbeat and pseaudo-witty when I'm really at my lowest ebb. God bless the internet, preserving my sanity, and via the wonders of social networking allowing me to remain in contact with the few I genuinely care about and in an ideal world would see every few days. Despite this, my foolish pride won't let me publically 'out' my thoughts and fears. Not without diluting it or adding some smartarse remark after it anyway.
I expect the themes that will frequently come up on here will mainly include:
Belonging
Longing
Friendship
Loss
Uncertainty
Anxiety
Defeatism
Resignation
Sadness
I'll also probably talk about music a lot too. It's a big part of my life, and on occasion it's probably what gets me through the days.
We'll see how long this lasts. My indifference to large parts of my life may mean that this gets left on the sidelines after a while, but as an experiment to improve my mental wellbeing I think it's worth a shot. I'm due in work at 7am tomorrow, so I better get a few things done and call it a day. Night.
